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A Second Christmas Comp

Discussion in 'Competitions, Contests and Challenges' started by beachlover, Dec 8, 2014.

  1. beachlover

    beachlover Moderator Staff Member

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    I'm sat here with a pile of proper Christmas Blessings cards that I am having to write to people who despite being among the local faithful, are by and large less Christian than Herod.
    So, to cheer me up, I thought you lot might be up for winning this piece of equally crap piece of knifey awfulness by posting your most irreligious and seasonally heretical jokes and I'll choose the one that gets the most likes and rightly deserves an equally abominable knife.

    [​IMG]

    It's one and only redeeming feature is that it has a bottle opener, but seasonal for that alone. :)

    Comp closes on Friday evening.
     
    #1
    MaC likes this.
  2. juabbo

    juabbo Member

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    Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino's for a pizza.
    The salesgirl asked him..... 'Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?'
     
    #2
    sarj, fast but dim and Ex Member like this.
  3. sarj

    sarj Moderator Staff Member

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    I went to the garden centre to buy a Christmas tree, the assistant asked, " will you be putting that up yourself."

    I replied " No, you sick fucker I'm putting it up in my living room."

    Thanks for the comp BL.
     
    #3
    wacbzz and juabbo like this.
  4. BorderReiver

    BorderReiver Moderator Staff Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    #4
    juabbo and sarj like this.
  5. beachlover

    beachlover Moderator Staff Member

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    After seeing the first couple of entries I feel I should say you are not limited to just one and thanks for reminding me Mike, jpegs count too :)
     
    #5
  6. juabbo

    juabbo Member

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    When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come.
    Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
     
    #6
    wacbzz and jaggededge like this.
  7. juabbo

    juabbo Member

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    Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box.


















    Such a pity it was a puppy.
     
    #7
  8. Renton

    Renton Subscribed Member

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    "The Three Wise Men sound very generous, but you've got to remember those gifts were joint Christmas and birthday presents."
     
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  9. Saint-Just

    Saint-Just Moderator Staff Member

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    Well if we can put jpg...

    [​IMG]
     
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    MaC and BorderReiver like this.
  10. Andylaser

    Andylaser Administrator Staff Member

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    I can do that. :D

    [​IMG]
     
    #10
    wacbzz likes this.
  11. beachlover

    beachlover Moderator Staff Member

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    Some corkers there chaps. Be good if others took time to like the good 'uns to help me judge tho' ;) :)
     
    #11
  12. BorderReiver

    BorderReiver Moderator Staff Member

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  13. MaC

    MaC Moderator Staff Member

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    Why are women’s breasts like a train set at Christmas ?
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    Because they were originally made for children, but Daddy wants to play with them :D
     
    #13
    wacbzz, Ex Member and BorderReiver like this.
  14. Saint-Just

    Saint-Just Moderator Staff Member

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    It's been done to death but if you want the most irreligious and seasonally heretical carol you must have it

     
    #14
    sarj and BorderReiver like this.
  15. sarj

    sarj Moderator Staff Member

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    Kevin's new Christmas song... bit dusty in here.:rofl:



    ...And the all-time seasonal classic.

     
    #15
    Templogin likes this.
  16. mirage

    mirage Subscribed Member

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    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    mirage
     
    #16
    wacbzz, Saint-Just, Ex Member and 3 others like this.
  17. sarj

    sarj Moderator Staff Member

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    I'd like to give you more than one like, that Hitler one is a fucking cracker.:haha:
     
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  18. Saint-Just

    Saint-Just Moderator Staff Member

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  19. Saint-Just

    Saint-Just Moderator Staff Member

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    #19
  20. wacbzz

    wacbzz Member

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    Winner winner chicken dinner!
     
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